Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
