i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
