You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
