garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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