we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you traded sex for a burrito?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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