Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
