he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
