Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
