I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
