I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
