and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize