I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Damn victory sex feels great
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
