Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
