Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
