ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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