You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
