I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
