She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
