there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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