I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
