Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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