Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
