dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
