you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
