I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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