oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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