Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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