I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
