Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
