I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
so much tequila, so little girl.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
