Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
