I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
