He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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