Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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