arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have so many feelings about this burrito
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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