I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
