and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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