overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize