"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
