She is in my trunk
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
