I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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