Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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