Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i think i have two assholes
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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