just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
