I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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