I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize