There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
