I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
