Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
