Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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