He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i think my cat just said my name.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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