dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
