I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
