You just made me feel so damn special
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
