I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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