I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
