its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
