I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
