Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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