only you would photoshop your dick
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
