he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
