What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
