my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
