mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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