I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The adults are the big ones right?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
