The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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