So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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