i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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