Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
